


Culture Shock

by AzaSolFen4eva



Series: BG3 Astarion Fics [1]
Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Flirting, Nudity, Other, Pre-Relationship, Seldarine Drow, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:00:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzaSolFen4eva/pseuds/AzaSolFen4eva
Summary: Our drow has taken it upon herself to replenish the party's supplies. However, the party learns a... Unique fact about their companion.Apparently, Thalassa learns that some manners of her people are not as common as she assumed.
Series: BG3 Astarion Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2155755
Kudos: 17





	Culture Shock

**Author's Note:**

> This is Pre-Astarion romance. This story contains description of nudity and sexual themes. No sex involved in this short story.  
> Happy readings!  
> P.S. This is the first time I'm writing on my phone so bear with me.

Lae'zel angrily assisted a limping Wyll to a cots set up around the fire pit. Shadowheart's usual scowl was deeper than usual and Gale's inquisitive face lacked the ghost of a smile. Astarion wasn't particularly happy about the blood and grime that painted his outfit either. The sounds of pained groans and curses went around the fire as everyone took a seat. 

Lae'zel looked around the camp as she noticed they were short a person.

"Where is the drow?" She asked, though it was more like she demanded an answer from everyone. 

Gale answered as he placed the last stick into the fire, feeding 'til it reached his liking, " She went to gather some supplies and game as we have run out of much of our stash, especially after that fight earlier today." 

"Of course she has time to do that. After all, she was barely apart of any of the battles today!" Shadowheart spat as she shed some of her armor. 

She regretted taking the blunt of Gale's enemies. Shadowheart could barely move her arm without biting a curse. _Dislocated shoulder, terrific!_

Lae'zel spat a curse of her people at the half elf's words, "A warrior who blames others for their lackings in the blade, how typical of you."

Astarion smiled ruefully at the sight of Shadowheart's nostrils flaring, "You should say that to yourself! Your sword is so poor that I'm beginning to think you're trying to make me a casualty!" She growled back.

Lae'zel tsked.

Wyll knew where this was going, "Alright ladies, let's all just calm-"

Astarion quickly nudged his shoulder, "Hush, monster hunter!" The rogue's smile grew wicked, "You'll ruin the show." 

"Like you're one to talk, Astarion! You strayed behind Thalassa as if you were scared to get your lapels wet." Gale jabbed.

The scene still made the him grind his teeth. Both wizards were firing spell after spell while Astarion fired arrows here and there only slipping about a few times to slice away an enemy with his dagger.

"Ah yes, good sir. It was truly unfortunate how I kept saving our wonderful damsels from the distress of having no head. Especially, Lae'zel. Wyll could never do without his Githyanki goddess." Astarion was having too much fun, Wyll sputtered at his words.

"Don't be jealous, Gale. I've been behind all of you before, I just favor Thalassa's view more." He winked, "I'll try to share with you next time. 'Tis only fair." Astarion's dark chuckle was answered with a glare from the male wizard.

"Due care to aim for Lae'zel the next time we come into battle, Astarion. 'Lest I end up with a blade in my chest." Shadowheart spoke, provoking the warrior.

Lae'zel bared her teeth, "Say another word and-"

Shadowheart never let her finish, "What? ' _You will slice me from navel to neck_ '? Or will you ' _show me my innards_ '? Well, I'm waiting." Her eyes narrowed, "How typical of your kind. Always making empty threats and making things difficult. You are just a child throwing a constant tantrum."

Astarion was at the edge of his seat with excitement while the others were scooting farther away from the two women. It was clear that more blood would be spilled before the night was over. Fortunately, before that idea took reality their missing companion announced her returning presence.

"I'd say you both are throwing a tantrum. If you wish to squabble, take it elsewhere. Mind you, I will not heal wounds dealt from a childish spat."

"By the gods, woman!" Wyll cried out as he covered his eyes and looked away. Gale was quick to follow him, taking quick peeks here and there.

Lae'zel and Shadowheart looked on, unfazed.

Thalassa was completely nude! Not that Astarion minded. He let his eyes take their fill, shamelessly. The moon shone down making her hair appear more white than usual and hinted that her skin held an midnight undertone. His hungry eyes followed her wet curls as they lay upon her bosom, to the water drops that slid down her body making her nipples pert and tense. As she walked closer, the view of the place between her legs became clearer.

_What an exquisite view it is._

Astarion forced his eyes to look at hers, lest his mind get blurred. Thalassa set down a large basket of that was full of her pickings and layed down three dead hares. She placed her hands on her hips allowing the firelight to shine all over her. She looked around the camp as if she were fully clothed.

"What's wrong with your face, Wyll?" Thalassa asked making her way towards him.

"Well I-...You are-... I am-" Astarion laughed at Wyll.

Shadowheart scoffed, "What our Monsterhunter is trying to say is, normal people don't walk around strangers without clothing." 

"Especially a woman." Gale added, "Situations such as these are unwanted." 

Astarion chuckled, "Speak for yourself..." He met Thalassa's gaze, "I welcome every fashion choice you make, darling. I do believe this is my favorite."

Thalassa gave a small smile before turning to Wyll, "I'm sure you've seen a person in the nude before, I do not mind if you look. Infact, I encourage it. It is said that distracting the patient let's them experience less pain during treatment." She explained as she looked at Wyll's injured leg.

"Consider me distracted." Astarion spoke allowing himself a quick once over.

Thalassa looked him over as well, "You always are. Surprisingly, you bear no injuries." 

"Oh but Mistress Healer, I am in dire need of treatment. I have been experiencing terrible _tension_ in my muscles as of late."

Thalassa feigned a look of worry as she treated Wyll's injuries, "Aye, that does sound _dreadful_."

The elf sighed, "Truly! Why I'm afraid I can't go on if this _painful_ discomfort continues."

"You poor thing! Something must be done immediately." She spoke as she finished up Wyll.

Shadowheart kissed her teeth, "It's always the same with you two! Can't you guys speak normally to eachother or not at all?!" Lae'zel was equally annoyed.

The two paid her no mind as their gaze met again, "Of course, I will do anything!" The elf spoke moving closer to the drow.

The black scleras were dimmed out by the spark in her teal iris, "Anything? Surely you jest, sir?" She spoke challengingly.

Astarion shook his head, "Anything and everything, _Mistress Healer_." His voice lowered a few octaves, "I am _desperate_ for you _help_."

"Very well, then I highly recommend..." Her lips gave way to a smirk, as she looked at him through her eyelashes, "A cold swim." 

She reached out and allowed the tips of her fingers to ghost upon the fastenings of his clothing before looking at him directly in the eye, "It is phenomenally good at turning even the _hardest_ muscles... _Flaccid_."

Wyll couldn't believe this woman's cheek. Gale was snickering. Astarion barked a laugh before the pair gave distance. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were an Alu-fiend in disguise."

Thalassa gave a short chuckle as she stood up. She looked down at him with a coquettish smile, "Perhaps." She then stalked back to the waterfall, where clothes lay drying.

Astarion watch her leave, "Don't leave now, I still want to watch the show." He called after her.

She turned and placed her hand on her hip, "You may follow me if you wish. After all, you still have that swim I've tasked you with..." She then gathered her curls to one side and proceeded to squeeze out excess moisture, "Healer's orders." She spoke lastly with a smile.

Astarion dark chuckle sounded again, "Perhaps you can inveigle me, Mistress Healer."

"Maybe another day, you have proven to be a difficult patient." Thalassa said as she turned away back to her pursuit. 

"Might I suggest you bind me next time?" He teased.

Thalassa looked over her shoulder at him, "Should I have the idea to do so, you will not be aware until it's too late." Her voice held an obvious hint that heated Astarion pleasurably.

The elf smirk, "I will be eagerly shaking until the time comes, _darling."_

The drow disappeared into the night again.

"You two waste too much time in circles." Lae'zel growled, glaring at the pale elf.

"Careful Lae'zel! Lest your eyes turn green." Astarion jested.

Lae'zel cursed and stomped over to her tent. If they kept torturing the party with their scandalous words and looks, they all would force them to take a cold swim.

Shadowheart glared around the camp, "Is no one gonna help me fix my shoulder?!"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Leave Kudos and/or comments whenever it suits your fancy.  
> Share with your friends and I hope your day is going amazeballz!


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